Survivor:Harry Potter vrs ASOUE
by smilies
Summary: Bring it on" "Oh is already been brought""GOOD COME BACK!"
1. In the beginingthe stupid begining

Okay you guys this is weird I know but I have decided to make a survivor/SOUE/HP type of fic so umm... I guess you can read it now  
  
Disclaimer: you know the drill  
  
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Host: Hello every one. Welcome to survivor were we out play out wit and out last!!!  
  
Audience: * sleeping *  
  
Host: Okay then *trying to make audience pumped up* we will put 16 people to play survivor  
  
Audience: * snoring *  
  
Host shows a picture of Elijah Wood  
  
Audience: WOOH-HOOO YEA WOOOO!!!!!  
  
Host: And not only that but not only that but Harry potter characters and series of unfortunate events characters will battle each other the winner will get 1zillion billion trillion gillion frillion tillion pairs of under wear  
  
Audience: * confused *  
  
Host: Just kidding and the loser will have to pay by BlackCherry's ferrets * host laughs meaninglessly *  
  
Spunky attacks host  
  
Host: AHHH NOOO STOP IT SPUNK-OW  
  
BlackCherry: Bad spunky bad!!! Let Draco attack her  
  
Draco starts attacking host  
  
Audience: start cheering Draco and BlackCherry on.  
  
Host: COM-OW-MER-YOCH-CIAL!!!  
  
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Host * with a black eye *: Hello every body and sorry for that little fiasco but let's bring in our first tribe member for the Snicket tribe he's brainy and smart and you woman love him Klaus!!!  
  
Audience girls: WOOH-HOO WE LOVE YOU KLAUS WE LOVE YOU KLAUS WE LOVE YOU KLAUS!!!  
  
Hermione Baudeliare: I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN KLAUS WOOH-HOO  
  
Random audience girl: YOU CRAZY I'M KLAUS'S BIGGEST FAN!!!  
  
Hermione Baudelaire and random audience girl start fighting over Klaus?  
  
Host: SECURITY!!  
  
Orlando Bloom comes out  
  
Random girls starts going to Orlando  
  
Klaus: WTF!!! WERE ARE ALL MY FANS!!!!!  
  
Hermione Baudelaire: * in a dreamy voice * don't worry Klaus your # 1 fan is here  
  
Host: SECURITY THE PHSYCO PATH IS STILL HERE!!!!!  
  
Eminem takes Hermione Baudelaire away  
  
Hermione Bauldelaire: NO YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Hermione B. I'M SOOOOOO sorry that I put you in my fic but I thought it would be a good idea so don't hate me)  
  
Host: Second person for the Snicket tribe is our bite-loving friend Sunny!!  
  
Audience: * Claps *  
  
Baby part of Audience: BUGERS, BUGERS, BUGERS!!!  
  
Sunny bowed  
  
Sunny: Thank- you thank-you to all those little annoying brats who support me  
  
Lemony: Hey you can't talk yet you brat  
  
Sunny: So what if I can't, who's gonna stop me  
  
Lemony: I AM!! * Lemony puts tape on Sunny's mouth *  
  
Sunny: mrrr. Mrr...  
  
Host: WOULD SOME ONE PLEASE GET THIS CHILD STALKER AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!  
  
Lemony: I'M NO CHILD STALKER I CREATED SUNNY I CREATED KLAUS I CREATED THE WHOLE SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS SERIES!!!  
  
Host: Yea sure you are and I made the Harry Potter Series  
  
J.K. Rowling: I MADE THE HARRY POTTER SERIES YOU DUMMY!!!  
  
Host: SECURITY!!!  
  
J.K.: I am the security guard  
  
Host: Well then go away  
  
J.K.: Fine!!!!  
  
Host: She's creative, she's spunky and she's the third person for the snicket tribe Isadora!!!  
  
Isadora: YAY!! WERE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN!!  
  
Host: * mutters * no your all gonna burn to-  
  
Isadora: * Isadora jumped on the host * YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!  
  
Host: GET OFF OF ME AHHH!!! COMMERCIAL!!!  
  
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Host *with a cast on *: Our forth person for the Snicket tribe is an annoying inventor who loves ribbons, Violet!!  
  
Audience: BOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Violet: HEY! Why are you guys shouting Boo to me?  
  
Audience: PLAYER, PLAYER, PLAYER!!!! * start throwing tomatoes at Violet *  
  
Host: Speaking of player our Fifth person was played by Violet, Duncan  
  
Audience: WOOH-HOOO GO DUNCAN GO DUNCAN!!!!!  
  
Host: If you like Duncan then you're sure to like his twin brother and the sixth member of the tribe, Quigley!!!  
  
Audience: * yawns *  
  
Quigley: Hey no claps no wooh-hoo's? What's wrong with you people?  
  
Random audience member: nothing you're just boring  
  
Quigley: I AM NOT  
  
R-a-m: ARE TOO  
  
Quigley: AM NOT  
  
R-a-m: ARE TOO  
  
Host: SECURITY!!!  
  
Producer: There on their lunch brake  
  
Host: Then you get them  
  
Producer rips off his shirt wearing a pink bra  
  
Producer: NEVER!  
  
Host: EWWW!!! COMMERCIAL!!!  
  
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Host: Okay this is the guy we all hate our seventh member OLAF!!  
  
Audience: WOO-HOO YOU ROCK OLAF WOO-HOO  
  
Quigley: Oh and you'll cheer for the bad guy  
  
Random audience member: He said he would pay us each a thousand dollars if we would cheer him on  
  
Olaf: * mutters * suckers  
  
Host: Our last member for the Snicket tribe care's about what's in and what's out Esme  
  
Esme: Host's are out  
  
Host: So are freaks that care about what's in and what's out  
  
Esme: That is such an out thing to say  
  
Host: * mutters * so is your mama.  
  
Esme rolled her eyes  
  
Host: And now a word from our sponsor about how to get wax out of your toenails  
  
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Host: And were back, Now let's bring in the phoenix tribe. Our first tribe member for the phoenix tribe is a dork in disguise, Hermione!  
  
Gryffindor girls part of audience: * clap *  
  
Hermione: * snobby voice * Oh anostly you would except more claps or at least some cheering I mean come on I do have the best grades at Hogworts school of witch craft and wizardry.  
  
Random audience member: BOO GET OF THE STAGE YOU MUDD BLOOD!!!!!  
  
Hermione: HEY that is absoluly barbaric.  
  
Random audience member pulls off mask to find Malfoy?  
  
Hermione and host: FERRET BOY!?!  
  
Malfoy: DON'T CALL ME THAT!  
  
Hermione and the host start doing ring around the rosy singing ferret boy ferret boy.  
  
Host: Well since he's already here welcome the ferret boy and our second member for phoenix member * dull voice * Malfoy  
  
Slytherine side of Audience: WOHH-HOO WHO-HOO WOOH-HOO!!!!!!  
  
Pansy: GO DRACO GO DRACO GO DRACO I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Malfoy: MUDD BLOOD  
  
Hermione: FERRET BOY  
  
Malfoy: MUDD BLOOD  
  
Hermione: FERRET BOY  
  
Host: SECURITY!!!  
  
Producer comes out STILL wearing the bra  
  
Host: I thought you were fired?  
  
Producer: NEVER!! AS BOB AS MY WITNESSED THE SHOW WILL GO ON!!!!  
  
Host: The show IS going on we hired a new producer see * points to a geek *  
  
Geek: A-HA A-HA A-HA I have calculated with my brain that I am the smartest * snorts * man in all of America by 5.3% (A/N I'm trying to sound brainy you guys.).  
  
Host: Our third member is the hottie with the flaming red hair RON!  
  
Ron: I WANTED CHICKEN FINGERS I WANTED CHICKEN FINGERS YOU GAVE ME PICKLES CHICKEN FINGERS CHICKEN FINGERS CHICKEN FINGERS!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Host: NO FOOD!  
  
Ron: CHICKEN FINGERS  
  
Host: NOOOOOOOO FOOOOOOOD  
  
Ron: FINE!!  
  
Host: Okay I'm sick of enouncing the people so I'll just say every one who's in the Phoenix tribe:  
  
Harry  
  
Audience: WOOH-HOO!!!!!! YOU ROCK HARRY  
  
Slytherines: BOOO!!!! YOU SUCK HARRY  
  
Host: * coughs * as I was saying:  
  
Harry  
  
Ginny  
  
Fred  
  
George and  
  
Volde-  
  
Audience: * Gasps *  
  
Host: I'm just reading what they're telling me to read ok kapeesh  
  
Audience: * nods *  
  
Host: You guys know the rules  
  
Violet: HEY that's no fair they have magic  
  
Ginny: *sticks tongue out *  
  
Host: Oh yea no wands  
  
Ginny: Hey that's no fa-  
  
Host: Okay Survivors on your mark get set BANNANA!! * Some survivors run but then run back *  
  
Host: HA-HA-HA-HA-GO!!!!  
  
The survivors start running (A/N there in the Amazon)  
  
Ginny: I WANNA READ THE MAP  
  
Hermione: NO I WANNA READ THE MAP!!  
  
Ginny: I WANNA- * rip * opps *the map ripped *  
  
Ron: Great going dim wits now we have to try to find our stupid new home BY our selves.  
  
Ginny: Hey I'm no dim wit she is but not me and besides I'm no chicken finger boy  
  
Ron: * in a corner * my chicken fingers  
  
Hermione: * nods but then realizes * HEY I'M NO DIM WIT!  
  
Ginny: Yea suuure.  
  
`````````````````````````````````````````` Snicket tribe ```````````````````````````````````````````  
  
Isadora: I wish I were a cow.  
  
Duncan: * ? *  
  
Isadora: A cow goes moo his name is Lou he tied my shoe and then he flew  
  
Sunny: Isadora you're a dim wit  
  
Isadora: * sigh * I now I now, * finds a stick * oooo * starts to poke Violet * (that is Badlee's idea sorry I'm using it!)  
  
Violet: STOP-OW-POKE-OW-ME!!!  
  
Isadora: SORRY I DON'T SPEAK OW HAHAHAHAHA! *Continues to poke violet *  
  
Sunny: You guys are as annoying as my fan group  
  
Violet: You mean the one's who were shouting Bugers?  
  
Sunny: nahh.... Ya think  
  
Quigley: True dat true dat  
  
Sunny: sho boy you'z tryin ta act like a pimp well I'm da true p-I-m-p!! * Sunny starts singing 50 cents p-I-m-p * * sunny singing pimp * I don't know what chya heard about me but dat you can't get da dollar outa me! Not gonna let no perms ya can't see!! 'CAUSE I'M A MOTHERS F***** P-I-M-P!! pimp pimp *  
  
Esme: Olay  
  
Sunny: pimp pimp  
  
Esme: Olay  
  
* Sunny starts to do the heal-toe and crib walk *  
  
Snicket tribe and lemony: *thinking * WERE THE HECK DID SUNNY LEARN THAT  
  
Sunny: What me and my homies say dat s*** all the time  
  
Violet: * hands on her hips * and who may I add are your homies  
  
Sunny: *mimicking * and who are your homies may I add * Pleaz woman stop acting like our giddy mother * starts skipping * * stops skipping * Oh and my homies are Olaf and Esme  
  
Snicket tribe (except olaf esme and Sunny) *look at olaf eating a candy bar *  
  
Olaf: What??  
  
````````````````````````````````````````````````````` Studio ``````````````````````````````````````````````  
  
Host: Looks like there all gonna die so let's just bring in the challenge!!  
  
Audience: Finally!  
  
Host: * sticks toung out * The first challenge is that you guys have to move a boulder to the finish line the loser's will have to pat there heads and kiss there bums good bye  
  
Isadora: Hey I thought you said BlackCherry's ferrets will attack u- *Violet covered her mouth *  
  
Host: Oh yea okay forget about what I just said  
  
Duncan: can we please just start the challenge now?  
  
Host: Okay GO!  
  
Hermione: Now?  
  
Host: DUH GO!!!  
  
The tribes ran to their boulders and started pushing it across there line.  
  
Malfoy: My pants are falling out  
  
Phoenix girls: eww....  
  
Sunny: *trip * OUCH I FREAKEN TRIPED!!!  
  
Violet: THEN GET UP I DON'T WANNA LOSE!!!!!  
  
Ginny: HURRY UP FERRET BOY THERE A HEAD OF US!  
  
Malfoy: I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN WHAT ABOUT HARRY HE'S ALL THE BACK THERE!  
  
Ginny: HE TRIPED BIG-  
  
Snicket tribe: YEEAAAAAA WE WON WOOH-HOO WE WON YEA!!!  
  
Host: Snicket wins immunity  
  
Lemony: You mean I won a Grammy!  
  
Host: * roll hear eyes * Not that Snicket This Snicket  
  
Lemony: oh okay * cuddles up in a corner  
  
Snicket tribe: YEA WE WON OH YEA WOO-HOO!  
  
Sunny: IN YOUR FACE IN YOUR FACE!!  
  
Phoenix: * mutters * let's throw her in a ditch  
  
Host: see you at tribal council  
  
`````````````````````` Tribal council ```````````````````````````  
  
Host: What Happened Malfoy  
  
Malfoy: Well that's an easy one it's 'cause mudd bloods here  
  
Host: Hermione what do you think about that  
  
Hermione: Well I think that we lost because of * coughs the word shorts *  
  
Host: Okay then let's vote  
  
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I want you guys to chose who should get voted off and I don't want something like well Hermione should get voted off 'cause she's a nerd, you do that I won't count the vote!  
  
If you don't review then me deadly chicken wings will attack you  
  
I mean it  
  
Boo he he  
  
Love Peace & Chicken Grease! 


	2. So sexy, you said chicken fingers?

Thank-you ever so much! You people soooooooooooooooo totally rock! Did I mention you rock? You rock!

**Hermione Buadelaire**

**Phred doesn't like you**

**Neo-Queen Sailor moon (You so rock!)**

**BlackCherry**

**Daydreamer13 (You rock ALSO!)**

**Denise Simpson (DITTO!)**

**Darkkender**

**Didi**

**Kazumon**

**C. Right (The tribe has spoken)**

**Jessica (;D) **

**On with the show!**

**Disclaimer: You're just sad if you don't know what goes here.**

Hermione: Walking up to vote

Malfoy: Hey!

Hermione: Turns What?

Malfoy: Pure Bloods before Mudd bloods.

Hermione: Haven't you ever heard of ladies first?

Malfoy: The only lady I see is Ginny

Hermione: Shove it

Malfoy: Evil Muggle

Hermione: Glares Walks off to vote I Think we all know who should get off Shows the word Ferret boy on her paper

Malfoy: MY TURN!!! Walks up I think we all know who should get off Shows a picture of Hermione picking her nose The Evil Muggle.

Ron: walks up I think Malfoy should be voted off, he keeps on bragging on how he is so cool

Ginny: walks up Sorry Malfoy, even thought you are so hot. This is strategy.

Voldemort: walks up   shows the word Voldemort

Harry: walks up I am voting for Ginny. Sorry, but red heads go last. (No offence! Really! No one take it personally!)

Fred: Walks up Harry you're a fame-hogger. Someone else should need your stinky glory pig. Shows the word glory hogger

George: walks up Like yo, umm… yeah so you know, right yo. Shows the word, Malfoy

Annoying tribal music thingy

Host: I'll go tally up the votes.

Host: First vote, shows everyone the word ferret boy ferret boy

Malfoy: :-S

Host: second vote, shows everybody the pic of Hermione

Hermione: sarcastically Oh geez who could've voted for me everyone stares at Malfoy

Malfoy: sarcastically Harry how could you backstab your best friend?

Harry: blankly

Host: cough third vote goes to… Malfoy

Malfoy: Surprise, surprise.

Host: tribal council scary music thingy when somebody gets voted off First sucker to get throbled off a Cross-over Amazon slash a fanfiction story goes to-

Ron: OKAY I ADMIT IT! I STOLE JERRY SPRINGER'S UNDERWEAR! IT WAS ME! ME, ME, ME! BUT I COULDN'T HELP IT! IT WAS WITH LITTLE DUCKY'S THAT SAID CHICKEN FINGER'S ARE SO SEXY! WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?

Everyone: stare blankly/blah

Voldemort: Say wha?

Harry: All you have to do is…

Voldemort: Say the word,

Harry: I'm there dun, dun, dadadad

Voldemort: I got it

Harry: I have it

Voldemort: I can do anythang

Harry: What you need

Voldemort: Got your back

Harry: Just say the word I'm there

Host: Hold up what a minute, PUT A LITTLE BOOTY IN IT!

Everyone: ...

Host: litallary Okay the person voted off is Malfoy know get off the fanfic before I start a suing!

Malfoy: Glares at Hermione One day-

Hermione; You'll rost a turkey, yeah, yeah, yeah I know NOW GET OFF THE ISLAND!

Malfoy: walks off

Host: Tune in next time on: Big Brother

Producer: (still wearing the bra) Survivor

Host: Whatever.

Day two

Snicket tribe

Olaf: And the girls go:

Sunny: Oh my gosh it's him.

Esme: Sunny oh my freakin God it's really him!

Sunny: I swear to frickin gosh (okay I am not saying the word "God" it would mean it in a bad way (even tho I used it once) you just freakin rock! Please won't you please- (to bad for ppl to hear!)

Violet: Sunny, what have they done to you?

Sunny: This! Pulls out a **ring**

Violet: Sunny! Looks at Olaf then Sunny don't tell me that-

Sunny: that he told me to clean the ring? _Right._

Violet: Oh, wait. Didn't that happen to me when I was in BlackCherry's parody? When he asked me to clean the ring, then to marry him?

Sunny: Yeah so?

Violet: Nothing.

Sunny: Okay

Violet: Yeah

Sunny: Mmm…

Violet: Hmm…

Sunny: nods

Violet: nods

Sunny: shakes head

Violet: shakes head

Sunny: does the booty dance on Olaf

Violet: shrugs does the booty dance on Olaf

Studio

Phred doesn't like you: Hello, I am your substitute host, Phred, the regular host can't be here for an important meeting.

Camera zooms into the Cancun showing the host at the beach trying to get a tan

Phred: Yeah, the **_important _**meeting.

Host: looks at camera Like hi, I'm Prema-Donna Barbie.

Camera zooms back to studio

Host: NO WAIT COME BACK LIKE YO!

Back to studio

Phred: Okay before they all kill their selves lets bring out the reward challenge DUN, DUN, DUN!

Snicket tribe comes out.

Phred: Let's go bring out the loser tribe and let's laugh at them, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Producer: Umm… Phred you're supposed to say, " And let's see who's voted off."

Phred: Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever.

Phoenix tribe walks out.

Quigley: HA-HA-Ha-ha… notice's that no ones laughing with him Oh.

Isadora: Yeah dit wit no one's laughing.

Quigley: Hey! I ain't no dit wit!

Sunny: evil glares 50 cents 'Go shorty' starts coming upyou wannabe pimp! Start busting moves out like on You got served

Phoenix tribe: WOOT, WOOT! WOOT, WOOT! GO SUNNY, IT'S YA BIRTHDAY! WERE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S YO BIRTHDAY! OH, OH PARTY OVER HERE!

Al Gore: WOOT, WOOT!

Phoenix tribe: PARTY OVER THERE!

Al Gore: WOOT, WOOT! C'MONE SUNNY PUT SOME BUTT INTO THAT THANG!

Everyone: …

Violet: I thought this fic was Politics free.

Duncan: When?

Violet: Since the author posted that premier poster, you know the try-outs.

Duncan: Oh, we had to try out for our parts?

Quigley: No durr.

Violet: Runs to Duncan don't you **ever **diss my baby! Rubs Duncan's thighs

Duncan: O.o

Phred: Oh my God Kirby look at his thighs

Hermione Bualdelaire: They are so big, it's like, round, it's like, out there. Ah…

Me [A.k.a Joanna]: PISS OFF!

Kirby: I ain't have to.

Me: Yeah you's do

Kirby: No's I ain't.

Me: FREEK-A-LEEK!

Kirby and Joanna start fighting

Count Olaf: CHICK FIGHT! Take it back stage!

Everyone: FIGHT. FIGHT, FIGHT!

(All of a sudden Alexis, Joanna's sister comes out)

Alexis: Joanna looks at Kirby Mom say's you havta go home, you can do you ficcy thing later.

Kirby: Sqezz's Alexis's cheek's Know little girl, the big girls are talking, go over to the corner and play Barbies. Okay?

Alexis: sticks toungh out Goes off far enough BRITTANY SPEARS WANNABE!

Kirby: Christina whitch!

Alexis: Say it in my face, pimp!

Kirby: I ain't have to you little Pamela Anderson!

Alexis: glares

Kirby: glares

Phred: :-P… Okay, the challenge is that you will play Simon say's.

Isadora: Like OMG this is gonna be tough.

Phred: I know, and to make it tougher, steps aside to show Simon Cowl

Simon: You are bloody pathetic

Isadora: Ohh… I'm so scared.

Simon: Yeah you better be.

Phred: And the game begins!

Four Hours later

Phred: And two members remain, Voldemort—

Voldemort: creepy friendly smile

Phred: And Isadora—

Isadora: I'm your best friend!

Simon: I say, act gay.

Voldemort: But I am!

Everyone:...

Simon: Then act Un-gay

Voldemort: Okay!

Voldemort: with a mic I'd like to tell the world, I'm not gay.

Everyone: tears

Harry: What a Kodak moment!

Isadora: shrugs well you sure can't beet that!

Phred: Pheonix wins immunity!

Phoenix: sarcastically Oh, yay.

Phred: LOOKS LIKE YOU SUCKAS GOT SERVED!

Hermione: Wrong fic.

Ron: You mean movie?

Hermione: Whatever.

Phred: Looks like someone's going to tribal console!

Isadora: Really? Who?

Phred: Roles eye's who will be voted off? Tune in next week for: **SURVIVOR.**

PHEWWWWWWWW! FINALLY! Okay tell me who should be voted off of the SNICKET tribe. Come on, review, you now you wanna.

"The world is quiet here" 

****

**_                         -Joanna_**


End file.
